Why I Hate The Porch

Romantic scenes in movies and TV shows will have you believe that date should end with the guy walking the girl to the porch and giving her a kiss. Even Aladdin flies Jasmine to her balcony. And what happens? They kiss. There is nothing wrong with that. I think it’s cute when Aladdin congratulates himself (“Yes!”) and falls onto Carpet with outstretched arms. It’s all wonderful and great if the two participants have eyes for each other. But what if one doesn’t? Well, for me, it went something like this:

My date clearly liked me. He laughed hysterically at everything I said, thought I was some kind of Super-Girl because I exercise/do sports, and wouldn't look me straight in the eye when talking to me but would stare when he thought I couldn't see him through the corner of my eye. It was the end of the double-date when he opened the car door for me and followed me to the porch. We exchanged thanks. He asked for my number so we could “hang out” again.

Then there was silence. I stood there, not knowing what to do. I didn’t like him that much; he was shorter than me. Should I have just turned around, opened the door and left him there? That’s what I should’ve done, even if cruel. But I just stared at him. And he stared at me. What formalities were expected? Heck if I know.

I was fiddling with my keys. “Hitch” went through my mind. According to that movie, fiddling with keys means the girl is waiting to be kissed. Like lightning, my mind panicked; I didn’t want him to kiss me. Hitch is full of LIES!!! I was just waiting for him to leave first so I didn’t come off as a jerk or ungrateful for the date.

As I stood there, trying to act as un-kissable as possible, (I stopped fiddling with my keys and stopped smiling) he said,

“Hey. I had a lot of fun tonight.”

Crap!

He started to approach me.

Double crap!

Closer.

I want to die.

On the outside, I was stone-faced. On the inside, I was like, “No! No no no no no no! Not okay! I’ll say no. I’ll turn my head. Or I’ll just stand on my toes so he can’t reach my face.” As those tactics of desperate evasive maneuvering flitted through my mind, he was too close before I could choose what to do.

And then…

He hugged me.

Praise the sun!